This time, it’s quite different. Mostly because of the people. I grew up in Paris, but i lost, during these years, the relationships i had with my classmates, friends, with every single person i used to see everyday. I was a litle girl, i had no idea of what was going on, so i didn’t had the time to say goodbye to all these persons. And now, after 16 years, here we are.
I saw these faces again. I saw how the places i used to live changed. Our lives went on. I always, always had the feeling, since i’ve left this city, that i lived two different lives. That somehow i was two different persons. “but i’m a million different people from one day to the next” as Ashcroft says in his song (bittersweet simphony with the Verve)… as i spoke two different languages. As i was somehow both french and italian. black and white.
…And now… well, it seems that i can feel a strange, new feeling. I feel like i woke up from a strange dream, realizing that it wasn’t a kind of binary of two different lives but one. One only, my life, and time moved on not only for me. And what is in front of me is not clear at all. There’s nothing of well-defined. It’s all blurry, it’s all to discover.
But i’m not scared like before. Not at the same way at least.
I guess i grew up. I guess i know a part of myself, at the same way i know the streets of Paris, the particular smell of some places. The color of the Seine when i’m there my friends that i know since 22 years, and that i still love from the bottom of my heart.
This things makes us better persons, and deepens the meaning of our being here.